I really envy people who’ve figured everything out: their dreams, desires, and goals. While here I am, in my mid-20s and taking up Medicine, feeling more lost everyday. I can’t decide on the specialty I’ll be taking, or if I’ll even be taking one.
I have been away for the past 7 months. Why? I don’t know. I lost track of time. I got busy. I prioritized. Writing was moved to the bottom while studying was moved to the top of the list. Still, I haven’t reached my goals. I still feel inadequate at times. I still feed horrible about a lot of things. The great part? I am still here. I am still holding on to my dream of becoming a doctor. I still study for several hours a day not because grades define my existence but because I want to learn and I want to be a good doctor someday.
I am tired. The academic year will come to an end in a few weeks. Most of the remaining days will involve a battery of exams, including the dreaded final exams. I have started studying for the finals but I have only recently started. I hope this early start will help improve my grades. Speaking of grades, nope, I have no failing grades. The problem is I am not satisfied with them. They did not reach the standards I have established before. Despite that, I know I am learning a lot during this academic year.
I really hope things will get better.
Today, there were many times I wanted to cry. I miss my parents. I miss our house in the province. I miss coming home to my little brothers. I just feel so lonely here in the city even if I live with my brother. I feel so lonely even if I have school every day, even if I am always surrounded by classmates and there is always so much to do. I feel lonely. Most times at school, I feel like I don’t belong with my group of friends. Is it me who’s creating a shell against them or is it them who has always had a shell against me? Sometimes, I also feel empty. I ask myself why do I still continue to study all these crazy diseases and information in medical school. I feel tired and empty. I know I am forgetting a lot of things like goals, and dreams that is why I feel all these. But I just cannot help to feel so down and sad. I know what I need to do but I am just losing interest in doing them, in almost anything lately. Right now, I need to feel this sadness. I’d rather feel this sadness than the occasional emptiness.
This will pass. I hope that happens soon.
“You still like him.” Andrea was startled with Danielle’s statement.
“What made you say that? You are wrong. I’ve stopped liking him for ages now.” Andrea is doing the very thing she hated the most: lying.
“Okay. I just thought….oh, never mind.”
“Come on, Danielle. Let us change this boring topic. How’s the election campaign?”
Before Danielle got to answer, the very person they talked about decided to sit with them.
“Heeeeyyyy Danielle, Andrea. Anyway, Danielle, I wanted to ask you something. Do you think….”
Andrea could not help looking at the two of them. Danielle was glowing while James was…James. He seems to like Danielle
Andrea decided the two really looked good together. She has to let these feelings go. To him, she’ll always be Danielle’s friend. That is enough. She has to go.
“Uhm, excuse me…Danielle, I’m done eating and I still have stuff to do. See you guys later in class.” After giving a weak smile, she left.
Red, blue and yellow.
Colors to fill the hollow.
I just bought a coloring book.
Come, let us sit in a nook.
Rain, rain, go away,
Come again another May.
Rain, rain, go away,
I cannot see the way.
Cloudy skies and singing frogs,
Come, let us play tag,
Or else I’ll just sleep the night.
A baby is born
Someone please blow the horn
So everyone would find a corn
As tribute to the baby born
The baby ages to three
He would always want to roam free
He goes to his favorite tree
And stays until after three
The toddler becomes an adult
He finds every one is at fault
He decides to form a cult
He thinks he is a smart adult
The adult grows old and tired
He had many jobs where he was fired
Some think his head is hay wired
Whatever he does, he is still tired
The eldrely then slowly died
But first he lied
One of which is that his land is wide
He said this before he died
The waves are singing
The mermaids are waiting
The storm is surging
The boat is sinking
The child is crying
Parents are missing
The fish are hiding
The sun ain’t watching
Night is coming
The sky keeps weeping
Despair is winning
Death is counting
The monkey roars
The frogs tweet
The mice chase the boars
I think I am still asleep